


How Old Are You Anyway?

by verus_caelum



Series: Dan and the Before [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Dan Doesn't Know, Dan and Luci bromance, Gen, Humor, Lucifer acts like a child per usual, Lucifer and Dan bonding, Lucifer is older than time itself, collection of oneshots, dan is so done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:22:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27680657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verus_caelum/pseuds/verus_caelum
Summary: Dan, finding himself more and more confused, furrowed his brow and asked, “What- How old are you then?”Lucifer paused a moment and twisted the ring on his finger, seeming to take a while to think over the simple question. He finally drew his focus back to Dan, saying, “I’m not sure an exact number to be quite honest, but on a much larger time scale than you’re thinking.”
Series: Dan and the Before [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024162
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	How Old Are You Anyway?

Dan looked across the precinct to see the department’s civilian consultant hovering around Chloe’s desk, as usual – he swore the man followed his ex-wife around like a puppy most of the time. And was he ever actually doing any police work? It sure didn’t seem like it.

He continued to watch as Lucifer sat in the chair next to Chloe’s desk – presumably waiting for her return – and lifted his legs to cross his feet on top of the desk, as if he owned the place. _Really?_ He then saw Lucifer reach for some of the notes Chloe had taken on the case and left on her desk – that shocked Dan, _was the man actually about to put in some work?_

Lucifer picked up a pen and started to snicker as he got to work… _doodling? Seriously? How was this guy working with the LAPD?_

Dan shook his head and got up from his desk, pushing his chair back as he rose. He headed towards Lucifer, who had a smirk firmly in place as he continued drawing who knows what on Chloe’s case notes. 

“You act like a child, how are you even a grown man, dude?” Dan asked as the consultant looked up from his “artwork”.

Lucifer seemed to be offended at the suggestion, despite the proof in his actions. “Excuse me, I am far older than you, Daniel – and if anyone is the child, it would have to be you.”

Dan huffed and responded, “Oh really, man? Alright, let’s settle it then – how old are you?”

“Take a guess, I certainly doubt you’ll ever get it correct,” Lucifer said smugly, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Dan paused to consider it for a second before saying, “I don’t know, mid 30s?”

“Strike one, Daniel.”

“Early 40s?”

Lucifer sighed as he said, “Honestly, you’ll never get it like this.”

“Well, higher or lower?” Dan asked, genuinely curious now.

“Oh, _much_ higher,” Lucifer said matter-of-factly as he smirked.

 _Higher? There’s no way this guy was much older._ “Uhh late 40s, I don’t know.”

“Still much too low.”

Dan huffed out a laugh, _what was Lucifer playing at?_ “Come on man, there is _no way_ you are in your 50s! Are you messing with me again?”

Lucifer simply responded, “You would be correct, I am most certainly not in my 50s.”

Dan, finding himself more and more confused, furrowed his brow and asked, “What- How old are you then?”

Lucifer paused a moment and twisted the ring on his finger, seeming to take a while to think over the simple question. He finally drew his focus back to Dan, saying, “I’m not sure an exact number to be quite honest, but on a much larger time scale than you’re thinking.”

“Dude, how do you not know your own age??” Dan burst out in shock.

“Well, you see, I was created before linear time was a concept, really – so it would suffice to say I am older than time itself,” Lucifer responded in complete sincerity.

Dan sighed in an exasperated manner, he should have expected this. “Of course, and here I expected a serious answer… you can’t even drop your weird Devil persona for one second?”

“There’s no persona, Daniel. It’s not my fault you humans consistently refuse to believe the truth, which – mind you – I tell you literally every day.”

 _And there he goes again with the “you humans”_ … “Whatever, dude. No matter your age – you’re still a child,” Dan just shook his head as he turned to head back towards his own desk.

Lucifer stared after Dan for a moment before returning his attention towards his doodling. Shaking his head, he muttered under his breath, “Humans… honestly.”


End file.
